/The Island Storm

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Chu Stinger
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/The Island Storm

Postby Chu Stinger » Fri Jun 11, 2004 1:56 am

[size=84]Hey! I've posted this up at two forums already, but one of them don't have many members and only less than 5 members reads it. The other forum has a ton of members, yet no one bothers to read it. So, I'll be testing this out to see if it goes well ^^ Any feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 1 - Disappearance Through the Waves

The morning news report was on the television at the Oracle Mansion. The reporter announces that there are going to be very high tides at the Coast during the day. A coincidence is that Edward Oracle, a son of two proud parents and owners of the Oracle Dance Hall, is currently at the Coast getting in some waves, unaware of the incoming tides later.

A few hours pass by, and Edward decides to get some lunch out on the beach. Just as he was about to bite into his meal, a woman screamed for help, as she was being sucked into the highest tide so far.

Sirens began ringing throughout the air.

“Everyone must re-locate to higher ground now! This is an emergency! Please re-locate as fast as you can!â€
- Chu Stinger

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Cyrus_Soulfire
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Postby Cyrus_Soulfire » Wed Jun 16, 2004 5:23 pm

Interesting... I'll give you that. Though for feedback; I think building and showing Edward's character first before this event had happened would help strenghten the story a little bit more. Also, if his character was not the type to fall in love at first site, it'd make that scene(s) a little bit more interesting as it goes against his character statue.

Just some Feedback. Good so far, keep it up ^_~
Last edited by Cyrus_Soulfire on Wed Jun 16, 2004 5:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Fan Fic Character of the hour:

Appears in: Guardians, Sapphire Awakens.

Cervius: A hero to his town. A patient fellow who loves to pull pranks. Cares for his younger brother. However... has a past that he can not forgive himself for.

Chu Stinger
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Postby Chu Stinger » Wed Jun 16, 2004 5:26 pm

Finally! :) Hehehe... Thanks... I'm not going to bother posting the rest of the chapters up here since no one replies with feedback 'cept for you, :p. If you want more, PM me and I'll give you the link.
- Chu Stinger

rogjack
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Postby rogjack » Thu Sep 16, 2010 3:47 am

Even for the comments, I think that building and shows the character of Edward before this event occurred would enhance the story a little more. Although his character was not the type to fall in love at first site, it would be this scene (s) a little more interesting because it goes against the nature of his statue.


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